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Sidorio
My friend's rabbit was blown up by a firework. I'm not supposed to find it funny.

Age 32, Male

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Plymouth, England

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Fuck you, Christmas.

Posted by Sidorio - December 5th, 2009


Once again, as I always seem to do, I'm opening my arms to others for a flash collaboration. A Christmas one, to be precise. I want you to come up with the idea and for me to animate it and then we can both be co-authored. I'm an unoriginal cunt.

Last year I had four Christmas submissions and they all got into the collection. Look to them for ideas:

All Ye Faithful
The Story of Christmas
Advent Calander 2008
Christmas Cock Rockets

I only do loops and false quiz type things because I'm a shit animator. If you suggest something that I can't properly do, like real voice acting, games or effort, I'll have to say no.

Also, I'm banned until the seventeenth. I want to have so many films prepared for then that I can upload two a day until Christmas Eve, but that might not be realistic.

Ideas plz. Get cracking.

--------------
SUBMIT TO COLLECTION NOW

Fuck you, Christmas.


Comments

#1 Pico kissing Nene under some mistletoe - minimal animation required

#2 Viewer sees an image of a snowman, with giggling children walking away from it as if they have just built it. Use wailing winter wind as background sound effects. Suddenly the snowman twitches and the carrot nose falls away to reveal a staring human face and the viewer realises that the children have built their snowman around the standing corpse of one of their unfortunate victims. The message "Play Nice This Christmas" appears, fade to black.

#3 Using footage and sound effects from the film Se7en - the part from the end of the film where Brad Pitt's detective is asking Morgan Freeman's detective character "What's in the box ? What's in the Booooooox ?".

Tankman Steve is asking the Captain this question.

The box in question is a brightly wrapped festive looking Xmas parcel. Maybe you could make the box contain the head of Salad Fingers. The animation ends with the head winking at the viewer and whispering "Merry Christmas". Fade to Black.

That's all I can think of for now.

They sound like they involved effort.

#4

It's December 25th at the North pole. In Santa's house, Mrs Claus is unwrapping a present from her husband. It appears to be... a whip.

Santa opens a present from his wife to see that it seems to be a pair of handcuffs plus lots of other wierd bondage paraphenalia.

Cut to a scene with Santa tied up in bondage gear and restraints with a ball gag in his mouth. Mrs Claus slapping him with a leather whip.

Caption appears :

"This Christmas remember : It is better to give than to receive... especially when it comes to punishment and pain".

That one would need an adults only rating.

Or I could do a reindeer ass-raping Santa with the caption "It's better to give than recieve".

Rudoplh assaulting Santa ? You sick, twisted fiend.

# 5
It's snowing. Carol singers belting out some songs outside a house. Door opens and it's Simon Cowell... he starts complaining and whining about how bad their singing is.

After much bitching, one kid pulls out a mac 10 and sprays the full clip in Simon's smug face, decapitating him almost instantly. The chatter of the machine pistol is very loud Blood spatters the pristine white snow on the doorstep.

Caption appears :

"To all reviewers : Constructive Critiscism only please"

I was also going to describe one about Rudolph the reindeer snorting heroin by mistake, and his famous red nose turning blue as he dies in convulsions... but that's just depressing, isn't it ?

I like the Rudolph one.

Okay I've thought of one which might work. The good part is that it would be easy to animate. The bad part is that it has more of a winter theme than a Christmas one.

I'm thinking that you can use static bitmaps / JPEGS of a penguin and a polar bear for this.

You would only have to move them slightly to indicate which one of them is talking / walking.

The soundrack is "Baby it's cold outside" - that Dean martin song.

The scene starts with a badly animated penguin bitmap looking dejected trudging through the snow. The penguin sees a cave and a "light bulb" idea sign appears above it's head. It walks into the cave making happy sounds.

What does a penguin sound like when it's happy ? I don't know, I'll leave that to you.

The penguin starts to shuffle about and make itself comfortable in the cave interior. Suddenly the head of a polar bear JPEG peers over a snowdrift.

The penguin sees the polar bear and starts to slowly back away. The polar bear starts to slowly edge closer.

Cue the music.

Penguin : "I really can't stay"

Polar Bear : "But Baby, it's cold outside"

Penguin : "I've got to go 'way"

Polar Bear : "O Baby it's cold outside"

Penguin : "This evening has been..."

Polar Bear : "I was hoping that you'd drop in."

Penguin : "...so very nice"

Polar Bear : "I'll hold your hands. they're just like ice"

Penguin : "My mother will start to worry"

Polar Bear : "Beautiful what's your hurry ?"

Penguin : "My father will be pacing the floor"

Polar bear : "Listen to that fireplace roar"

Penguin : "Really I'd better Scurry"

Polar Bear : "Beautiful please don't hurry."

Penguin : "Well maybe just a ..."

At this point the polar bear leans in and neatly bites the penguin's head off in mid sentence. The music stops abruptly and all we can hear is the bear chewing it's fresh snack. Gore sprays liberally everywhere.

The words "Merry Christmas" appears in blood spurts on the snow floor.

Fade to black.

I think the most difficult part would be to synchronise the movement of the penguin and bear to the soundtrack. If the movement is too difficult to get in synch with the sound it won't work.

Effort.

CAW CAW CAW

MEOW

I didn't want to type the full version of the Rudolf one because it was long - basically two of santa's elves doing a post mortem of Rudolph after his accidental smack binge, and it would end with the "public service broadcasting" style message :

"Remember kids, this Christmas, only buy drugs from a dealer you REALLY trust"

I was hoping the penguin one would hit the mark, but if you like the blue nose Rudolph one go for it !

I do appreciate the ideas, but I'm not a good enough animator to make any of them. In fact, I may have to change the Rudolph one to a loop of him overdosing because I can't even draw elves.

Rudolph's Xmas OD.

Ok cool

I might not actually.

Wow someone else posted a flash of Simon Cowell being decapitated... it's that review of 2009 one. What an odd coincidence.

wat

watwat

^ What's SJC ?

The only worthwhile thing ever to come from Finland.

A loop of Santa slooooowly pulling the trigger of a shotgun the barrel of which he has in his mouth.

The blood splash on the wall behind him tweens into the words :

"Hope you have a mind blowing Xmas this year !"

I can't animate that.

A sloth dressed as Santa and he is rubbing his penis.

CONSIDER IT DONE.

so there was this jew

And his name was piecaptin.

Every good rugby team needs a hard working hooker

BTW, I've completely fucked up all your ideas and won't submit any.

No plan survives reality.

Have a merry Xmas and a happy NY

New York is shit.

NEW YEAR !!!!

Imma start working on series two of cockrocket films. I think these are my first ones since right near the start.